There are times when I wish I could ask God a question and He would reply, verbally, either “Yes” or “No.” There have been thousands of times I wish I could have asked and received a direct response and known, with certainty, what I should have done. Naturally, it doesn’t work that way. Instead what I’ve done has depended on how strong of a relationship I had with God at the time. When our relationship has been strong I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed and then let my heart guide me. When our relationship has not been strong I have made a decision and flown by the seat of my pants hoping that if God loves me as much as He claims He does then I’ll be ok.
So far it’s always worked out. I would prefer not to have to just hope it will be ok. I want to know I’m doing the right thing. That’s why I wish I could just ask and get a definitive answer. Faith can be a beautiful, and frustrating, thing sometimes. Right now, I wish I could just be told what to do and have it be the right answer. Here is my dilemma…
I’ve always dreamed of a job in counseling, or psychology, or sociology, or social work, or education. When I was a kid my parents talked me out of counseling/psychology/sociology/social work because it was “too depressing” and out of education because it didn’t make enough money. As a result I have spent 10 years working in business and finance. I have liked it and I’ve done well but my heart has never been in it. I do it because I’m good at it even though I’ve never loved my job. You’ve heard that phrase, “Find a job you love to do and you’ll never work a day in your life?” I work. I like my job and I have successes to show for it but I don’t love it. I’ve been in school for what feels like forever. Seriously. I have been pursuing Business Administration but because my passion isn’t in it I’ve quit every time. I did eventually graduate with my A.A. (it took me way too long) but when I enrolled for my B.A. program I enrolled in a program that is in the Interdisciplinary Social Sciences. The thing I love about it is that while the primary concentration is Public Administration (I work for the Government) I can choose Sociology and Political Science or Criminology or two other things I don’t really care about for my two secondary concentrations. Hooray! Things I love!!! It’s still kind of depressing though because ultimately it still leaves me working at the same place. I have thought that it’s ok because my job treats me well, my management loves me, I’ll have a job I like, great benefits, a degree I love. Plus, we continue living in an area we enjoy. Win!
Then something like this happens…the County that I work for posted this job opportunity:
It’s a job in our Human Services / Social Services department that works to provide financial assistance to those in need. I’ll make the same salary I make now, have the same benefits, live in the same area, but have a degree and a job in a field my heart is in. Hooray!
But…my current position has been having serious discussion about a promotion in line for me. It would nearly double my salary. It’s also about 4 years away (it was 3 years…now it’s 4…unless something changes). There’s also no guarantee. Things happen. It is expected that I would get the promotion but there’s no certainty. What if it doesn’t happen? Then what? What if I apply for, and am hired at, the new position. There’s no certainty there either. I am involved in some serious projects and committees here at my current job but they would survive without me. I would set them up to succeed without me. They’ve done it before. The new position would be about 7-10 miles closer to home. That’s nice. I don’t what to do. Do I apply for it and squeeze my foot in the door of a new industry or do I stay status quo because it’s safe and secure? I don’t want to make a bad decision.
I wish I could just say, “Hey God, should I apply for this new job?” and hear God say, “Go for it Ash! It’s what I made you for!” or “Is that brain I made malfunctioning? No way! Stay put girl. Love you!”