Red Altima


2013_nissan_altima_red

 I find it very annoying when people are unable to maintain their speed while driving.  Take that obnoxious red Altima…it was a major thorn in my side this morning.  I swear I think the driver was driving like a douche bag just to aggravate me.

I left my house and was on my way to work.  It’s about 20 miles but it’s only two roads.  Actually it’s one road and the interstate highway.  My office is just off the exit.  So I’m driving down the road and the speed limit is 40mph.  This obnoxious bastard has to drive 30-35mph.  Then the speed limit moves up to 45mph and red-altima-guy speeds up to 33-37mph.  What’s his deal?!?  I keep wondering to myself, “Does this guy have a driving complex?  He MUST go at least 5mph less than the speed limit.  Even slower if he can get away with it?”  I’m annoyed but I’m trying to be patient.  Maybe he’s elderly.  Maybe he’s a student driver.  Maybe there’s a baby in the car.  I glance in his mirror and it gets better!  He looks like one of those wanna-be loser’s from Jersey Shore.  I’m not joking.  His passenger was the same way.  OMG!  Hilarious!  I wanted to laugh but I was too focused…and annoyed.  Then I realized I had at least 3 miles until I could get on the interstate and the other lane was actually moving along at a normal rate of speed so I changed lanes.  Finally! Driving at 45mph like a normal person on a normal road.  I figured I would simply drive 45mph until I was closer to the on-ramp, then I’d change lanes again and get on the interstate.

Imagine my surprise when douchy mcdouchebag suddenly decided to start driving faster!  He sped up, almost instantly, from 37mph to 50mph.  WTH?!  Then, he really decided to be a deliberate jerk because he got next to the car that was leading my lane and then maintained even speed with him so that no one else was going anywhere.  *sigh*  No big deal.  I was going the speed limit.  I was relaxed.  Cool.  Let’s just get to work.

Naturally he gets on the same ramp that I do and naturally he cuts right in front of me on the interstate.  The speed limit is 70mph but he, of course, has to slow down to 60mph.  *sigh again*  Some people!  There is a semi-truck in the other lane and I know if I try to go around mr. i-cant-drive-guy he’s only going to speed up to 75mph or 80mph so I just sit back and chill.  It’s going to be a long day and apparently this guy is really in touch with his inner asshole.  Oh well.  Then…an amazing thing happens.  The guy behind me, in a green Mazda something, changes lines, flies up in the other lane getting dangerously close to the semi-truck and then quickly changes lanes and cuts the Altima off!  I laughed hysterically!  I was still just crusing along but it cracked me up.  I couldn’t help it.  It was hilarious!  It also furiously enraged the Altima driver because I saw his hand gestures and the passenger loser got all animated and I could see that they were seriously pissed off that they were no longer leading the pack and someone had dared to defy them!  Oh…it was on now!  The red Altima suddently sped up to about 80mph.  They had to be going at least 80mph b/c at this point I was up to about 73mph and they were putting distance between us (which was fine by me)!  Anyway, the next thing I knew the green Mazda and the red Altima were side by side, blocking both lanes, but going I’m guessing about 85-90mph.  I couldn’t believe it.  Mr. I-wont-drive-the-speed-limit-I-go-at-least-5mph-under-the-posted-speed was now going 15mph-20mph OVER the posted speed.  Then, they both ran up on two semi-trucks.  I couldn’t help it.  HAHAHAHAAHAAA!  I was still going 73mph but soon I was right up next to them again because the big trucks were going to slow. 

Oh my.  It’s going to be one of those days!

Then the red Altima gets in front of me again and turns off at my exit.  Damn! Damn! Damn!  Oh well.  Finally the lane separates and he gets in the lane to turn left and I keep on cruising to the right.  Hooray!!!  I’m finally away from that s-o-b. 

Some people…crazy.

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