A Little Bit of Me


Last night while driving home with my husband (we were out of town visiting a friend) we started talking and eventually somehow it led to a conversation which led to me making this statement:

“Yes, I spent about 10 years living pretty selfishly.  There was a little bit of recklessness, some hard partying, and a whole lot of self-discovery.  Sure, I’m late doing a lot of the things that my peers have already accomplished (finishing college, having children, buying a home) but I feel like I know myself, personally, better than they probably do.”

What do I mean by that?

I mean that while I was living for me and following my every whim and pursuing every little half-hearted interest I learned a great deal about myself and the things that really make me tick.  If someone were to say to me, “So, tell me about yourself” I would have no problem coming up with tons of things to say.

For example…

I love baseball.  Let me say that again – I. LOVE. BASEBALL.  I’ve gone to MLB baseball games in Pittsburgh, Washington D.C. and Tampa Bay.  I’ve gone to minor league baseball games.  I’ve gone to independent league baseball games.  I’ve very frequently gone to these games by myself.  I love the game.  I don’t go to hang out with my friends or to socialize or to drink.  I go to watch the game.  I love the competition.  I love the suspsense of every play, every pitch, every moment of the game.  I love those ridiculously intense pitcher’s duels where the game goes on and on with no more than 2 hits on either side and the game ends on a fluke play that scores 1 run in the bottom of the 12th.  LOVE.  I like all sports.  I like hockey and basketball and football and curling and MMA and UFC but I love baseball.  I just do.

I’m a well-trained martial artist.  Yep.  I’m a happy-go-lucky, 5’2″, girl-next-door with a chihuahua who could kill you with her bare hands.  Easily.  I’m not kidding.  I’ve taught martial arts, I’ve taught women’s self-defense, I’ve sparred and fought in tournaments and won.  Don’t believe me?  Come at me Bro!  Just kidding.  You shouldn’t do that.  It would be good…for you.  Seriously, I started learning martial arts on a whim a long, long time ago because I thought it might be interesting and I had the spare time.  I found out that not only did I enjoy it but I was really good at it.  Apparently being short, quick and unassuming are all really good traits for martial arts. 

I like cooking but I don’t like baking and no, they are not the same thing.  I don’t like baking cookies, brownies, cakes, cupcakes, bread, etc.  If I have to prepare a batter and turn on my oven I don’t want anything to do with it.  I will however fry, grill, broil, saute, boil, chop, dice, etc with the best of them.  I like desserts, I just don’t like to make them.  Plus, going out to a restaurant just for drinks and dessert makes a fabulous night out!  I just don’t like baking.   Fine, admittedly, there may be the rare occasion during the holidays when I’ll feel a prick of inspiration and decide to do a little holiday baking but it’s not a regular occurrence.

I’m a firm believer in Christ and am absolutely a Christian.  I struggle, I have problems, I make mistakes (a lot of them) and I know that.  I didn’t grow up in a Christian family but at 15 I was going through some hard times and wondered what this whole “Christian” thing was about so I looked into it and started going to church alone.  I went to church for 2 years but I didn’t connect with religion.  I was baptized at 16 but my heart really wasn’t in it, I just felt like it was something I was supposed to do.  At 18 I quit going to church.  By 19 I was partying a lot.  At 25 I started going to church again but it lasted for a year.  It wasn’t “clicking” to me and I didn’t get it.  I quit going to church but I did buy a Bible.  I started reading it on my own, doing my own research, praying and talking to God even though I wasn’t sure that He was even there.  Then, one night, it just “clicked” for me.  I felt it.  I can’t explain it but there was just a connection between me and something more powerful than me.  I felt reassured.  I still don’t go to church because I haven’t found one I connect with but I have learned that I don’t need to connect with a church to connect with God.  I’d like to find a church and I’m sure one day I’ll find the right one.  Until then it’s me and God and we’re great with each other.

I prefer the beach in the evenings.  I don’t like temperatures above 89 or below 35.  I love wearing hats and I look good in them.  I like my hair better long.  I like shellfish but I don’t like regular fish.  I’m afraid of frogs…and clowns.  I love festivals.  I love comedy.  I think stand-up comedians are one of the greatest things ever.  I like laugh lines on a person’s face (even my own).  They are a sign of a good-nature in a person’s soul.  I like white gold, not yellow gold.  I prefer beer to liquor but it’s not very lady-like to drink beer.  The alcohol I drink depends on the  company I’m around at the time.  

I once studied handwriting analysis just for the hell of it.  It was interesting.  I only remember a few things from it like, “be wary of someone that doesn’t dot their i’s.”  I don’t remember why but I remember that not dotting an “i” is supposedly reflective of bad personality traits.  I’ve actually been kind of obsessive about that ever since.  Shortly after I learned that I noticed a good friend of mine didn’t dot his “i”s. We’re not friends anymore.  It’s not because of the “i” thing it’s because we grew up and he moved away.  He is kind of a weird person now…maybe there is something to that “i” thing…

I don’t know crap about cars or auto mechanics but if I had the time and the money I would take some auto shop  classes just to learn.  Why not?  It’d be better than being as clueless as I am. 

I’m also fairly handy at construction and carpentry.  They are skills I’ve developed over the last 15 years.  I’ve designed and built theatre sets, bookshelves, cabinets and other minor furniture pieces.  I’ve tiled my own kitchen, refinished my own cabinets and reupholstered my own chairs.  I’ve built doghouses and dollhouses.  If I ever buy a home I would love a garage or workshop so I could buy a bunch of tools and build some stuff.  I’m in desperate need of some new bookshelves right now and they are ridiculously expensive.  I keep thinking to myself, “I could make those!!! and it would be SO much cheaper!” only right now I’m in an apartment and I no longer have any tools.

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2 thoughts on “A Little Bit of Me

  1. As someone who did the college stuff early, but is just now figuring out the whole interests, personality, and self discovery thing… I think it’s actually pretty awesome that you discovered yourself first. I never had much time to think about all the important stuff because I was busy with work and school… and I think it would have been different if I’d done what you did instead. Best of luck with your impending school adventure!

    • Thanks! I did a lot. I have some really great memories. Travel trips and holidays and wild parties and backstage concerts and martial arts and even some silly things. I took some art classes (no talent) and I took dance lessons (again…no talent) and indoor skydiving. I have my A.A. degree and just transferred to get my next degree. I like that I tried a bunch of career options and pursued some volunteer opportunities before I decided to chase the B.A. degree. I know so many people who have their B.A. degrees but discovered they don’t like the associated careers and are now going to back to school again. Good luck with your self-discovery journey! Try EVERYTHING. Even if it’s not your thing the attempt is a fun memory.

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