Sometimes I wish that God would just open up the Heavens and shout down at me, “Hey!!! Do this. I want you to do THIS! Not that. Why did you think I wanted you to do that? Stop doing that. Hey! Hey! Listen to me. Listen to ME! Ok, have I got your attention? Ready? Do THIS! Got it? Ok. Great. Now, you just focus on doing this and I’ll make it all work out, ok? Deal? Great. Now go get back to life. You have a lot to do.”
Do you ever feel that way? I do. Sometimes. Ok…a lot of the times. Especially right now.
You see, I’ve worked in a Government business environment for damn near a decade. I can’t stand the office politics and nonsense. I’m good, nay, I’m great at my job. I do it well, I get a lot accomplished, my management and Board of Directors love me, it’s secure and the pay is decent. It’s not terrible but I’m not thrilled with it. I dislike the political games that come around every two years during elections for city and county offices, I dislike the cutthroat back-stabbing games and I dislike crunching finance numbers and balancing reports and reviewing RFP’s all day long. I do like the occasional big development project that comes my way sometimes. It gives me the chance to stop being robotic and start actually thinking. Sometimes I feel like all I do all day is work on TPS Reports.
Yeah, I feel that pain, however I had accepted my fate in the corporate world and I had fallen prey to the security of my job and I had settled. I declared as a Business major. It rained that day and there was an earthquake across the world. I’m convinced that God was crying and the demons were rejoicing. (Fine, that’s a bit of an exaggeration but I do at least remember I was miserable).
Then this really amazing thing happened. I met this man. We became friends and he was great. He was oh-so-great! I fell in love. I fell HARD in love. All of a sudden I wasn’t miserable anymore and life was fantastic except…he lived 13 hours away in another state. We wanted to be together so I quit my safe and secure job, packed up everything I owned, and moved. It was the best decision ever! Five months after that move we were married and two years later life is still beautiful. When I moved though this other really amazing thing happened. I finally admitted I hated Business and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life trapped in a corporate world I hated. I didn’t want to work with numbers and reports in a boring unfufilling job. I wanted something else. Something different. Something better. Something where what I did mattered and I felt validated.
I thought and I prayed and I cried and I was conflicted. I was torn. I leaned toward Psychology and Education. I didn’t know what to do. I remembered in high school how much I loved Psychology. It was far and away my favorite course. I thought about mental disorders, behavioral disorders, addictions, criminology, social development, educational psychology, mental health, rehabilitation and how much I loved it all. I remembered thinking about the criticisms I received when I was younger about how I “over-analyze” everything and “think too much” and how I need to “find a career that suits that.” I remembered how I used to teach Sunday School and how much I enjoyed it. I loved creating little lessons and watching the kids light up as we learned new things. I loved teaching and talking and leading children into their futures. I especially love Middle Grades where the kids are developing into adolescence and finding their identities. It’s a great phase! I love reading and history and mathematics. I remembered how many people have told me “You would be a great teacher.” I was conflicted because I loved them both. I did. I still do. I ultimately decided on Education.
Why? Well, it’s simpler to find a job and I can stop at my Bachelor’s. Not to mention, it was one of the few 4-year degrees that the college I was already attending was offering. In short, it was easier.
I enrolled for my first semester, only three classes, Classroom Assessment, Special Topics, and Educational Psychology (ironic, huh?). I would have enrolled in more classes but those were the only three I could take while still working full-time. It’s been a great semester!
Then…yesterday happened. I was in class and while our Professor was talking she said something that was kind of disturbing to me. She mentioned enrollment for the next semester. She mentioned availability of courses on my campus. She mentioned …. day classes. Uh-Oh! I work full-time during the day. Day classes don’t work out so well for me. I asked what students like me are supposed to do. She stuttered. That didn’t seem promising to me. I was directed to contact two other women who are in charge of the program. Great. Another loud-mouth student piped up asking about they can help increase enrollment at our school considering a bigger University with a better reputation just launched a new remote campus nearby offering the same degrees. My ears perked up. I was intrigued.
Today I researched. The other bigger University with the better reputation not only offers my Education program but they also offer Psychology. They also offer my husband’s major. Hmmm…interesting. They offer both of my programs online, during the day, and during the evening. Hmm…even more interesting! I e-mailed the Advisor for the local campus. I explained my dilemma. The way I see it I have three options:
- Continue to pursue a degree and career in Education.
- Pursue a degree in Psychology and then fast-track to my teaching license in Florida by completing the state exam. This is doable considering I have already completed the required courses for this option.
- Change my future. Pursue a degree and career in Psychology. Perhaps Educational Psychology?
So, those are my choices as I see them. Currently, it’s a waiting game. I am waiting for a response from three people at the two different colleges. I don’t what to do. I don’t know what God wants me to do. I wish that He would just open the Heavens up and tell me. That would be great. That would be so great.