Major Head Expansion


Sometimes, after I read a book I get a headache. It’s never a really bad headache; it’s not a splitting headache or a throbbing headache or a migraine headache. It’s just a dull achy kind of headache and it never lasts very long.

I’ve had people say to me, “You should get your eyes checked. Eye strain may be causing those headaches.” They had a valid point, it was possible. Actually, it was quite plausible so I’ve had them checked. Multiple times in fact. They are fine. My eyes are a-ok. There’s nothing wrong with my peepers. Nothing at all.

So why the headaches? I have a theory.

I think my brain keeps getting bigger. It’s like every time I read a big my brain grows a little bit larger (think The Grinch when his heart grew three times…only my growth is in my head not my chest) and I’m suffering from growing pains. It’s like all those little electrical wires are firing on all cylinders and my brain is on electric overload. I feel like one morning I’m going to wake up and look like Megamind and be all like, “Woah! What happened?!?!?”

as I stare in the mirror at my new freakazoid giant blue head.  I might not really be blue, that’s a big extreme, but the giant head thing? It could totally happen. I read a biography on Dick Steffy (the first nautical archaelogist) and whoa…brain expanding.  I read about Ulysses Grant and whoa…major expansion.  One of these days I’m going to have a giant brain inside a freakishly large head but I’ll be super smart so that’s good, right?

I wonder what I would do if I was freakishly smart?  Would I learn the tricks of gambling and go to Vegas to win a boatload of money?  I don’t know…I’m kind of afraid of Vegas thugs to be honest with you. If I got caught counting cards I bet I’d be in trouble. If I was super freakishly smart I probably wouldn’t get caught but is it worth the risk of pain? I doubt it.

Would I play the stock market and invest super wisely to make a bunch of cash? The Great Depression of the 1930’s and the Great Recession of…well…now…makes me worry about the stock market investors. Despite how freakishly and absurdly genius I would be there is still a matter of chance in the stock market crashing no matter what I do so no, I probably wouldn’t do that.

Would I go on Jeopardy and try to beat Ken Jennings record?  Yes, I probably would. No, there’s no probably, I definitely would. I would beat his record, make a bunch of money, become famous for being absurdly smart with a freakishly large head, and then I would write books about my genius and how I beat Ken Jennings and then I would retire.

Done. Awesome. 🙂

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One thought on “Major Head Expansion

  1. Pingback: Hey Teacher « My Happy Dance

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