The phrase is usually love ’em or leave ’em but with our families…it’s kind of hard to do that isn’t it? How does that old saying go? “You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.” I think it’s something like that. Sometimes though…sometimes I wish I could choose my family or at the very least I wish there was some kind of family exchange program. A family exchange program would be great! It would be a program where I could say, “This cousin didn’t work out, can I exchange him for a new cousin?” or “This grandfather isn’t very grandfather-y, can I get a new one?” or “My aunt is a bit of a drama queen troublemaker, could I return her and get a sweeter one? Perhaps one that would take me shopping and bake cookies and buy me balloons like the lady in this picture?” or even something like, “Look, the uncle you gave me is kind of creepy and he’s really not all that funny. I would like to give him back and trade up. Actually, can I trade in two uncles for one super-awesome uncle? That would be best.”
Wouldn’t that be great?! Alas, we can not but it would be great if we could!
So what inspired this family exchange program idea? It was inspired by lunch with my parents. Now, don’t get me wrong my parents are great. Sure, I get annoyed with them sometimes and I get frustrated and sometimes I just feel like I really don’t “get” them but they are good people. They are kind, supportive, loving, helpful, funny and all in all they are great. I’m lucky to have parents like them, despite the times that I get frustrated and/or angry with them. The same goes for my brother and my sister; there are plenty of times when I get annoyed or angry with them but overall I do love them and they are good people. We were very similar children but grew in to very different adults and therefore are not as close as we used to be but I still love and respect them very much.
Now, sure I post some personal stuff but you’re not going to get a picture of my whole family. Sorry (not really) but it’s not going to happen (really). I will however post a clip-art(y) family picture for you to enjoy. Look…Happy huh?
Ugh. So I have lunch with my parents and we get to commisserate over family members. There’s the druggie whose son was dishonorably discharged from the army and is now in jail, whose daughter robbed a local store for prescription pills and is jail, and who recently got out of jail himself. He has two kids with the girlfriend he had while his wife was in jail (they are now divorced and he’s still with the girlfriend…like that makes it better). The girlfriend is a druggie too. There is the “super religious” family who gives Christian’s a bad name because they lie and swindle everyone like thieves, there is the alcoholic drug-addicted pervert who tried to sell porn at a yard sale (seriously) and who had a SWAT team raid his house, there is also the selfish drama-queen troublemaker aunt who I don’t even want to talk about because I’ll start seeing red and be unable to control my profanity laced tirades. There is the aunt who essentially threw her kids away when she sent them out of state to live with their ex-con father who ended up back in prison. My cousins then house-hopped for years because they couldn’t find a permanent place to live before their father was released and they moved back in with him. The aunt didn’t care, why should she? She re-married, had new kids and made a new family. “Out with the old…In with the new!” that seems to be her motto. The kids? Number One dropped out of school, married a stripper, had a kid, got addicted to drugs and bailed then hooked up with another woman, had another kid, both of his kids are with grandparents and he’s living with girl #2, minus the kid, and happy with his drugs. Number Two dropped out of school, met a girl, went back and got his GED, found work, had a son, got married, found drugs, lost his job, got kicked out of his house and is now homeless and penniless living on the street searching for his high. Help = rehab and he refuses. Likes his life, I guess. ?
Oh…I could go on and on but I won’t. I’m done. I’m just so sick to my stomach over all of it. I need a family exchange program…I really do. My immediate family is my safety net…outside of a brother, a sister, a mom and a dad it gets crazy. Really…crazy. I decided to spare you all though, I left the crazy out of this blog. 🙂