Dear Love,

I have joked with my husband before and told him that I was going to start a journal and call it the, “Reasons Why I Love My Husband” journal.  Inside of it I was going to record all of the reasons why I love my husband.  I was going to include all of the really big things (like how he supports me and encourages me to finish school) and all of the really little things (like how he cups his hand on the back of my neck when he kisses me.  I’ve also joked with him and told him that I was going to build a page here on my blog where I would list all of the reasons I love him.  I haven’t done either yet, I’m still considering it, today though I’m simply going to write a letter.  🙂

Dear Love,

I hope you know that the day I met you is one of my happiest memories.  If I’m ever feeling down, even a little bit, I can think about you, and us, in that moment and it makes me smile. I’ll never forget it. I was sitting in that restaurant so nervous, so afraid, so intimidated. I kept wondering to myself, “What am I going to do if he doesn’t come? What am I going to do if he does come? How am I going to react? What if I make a fool of myself? What if he doesn’t like me? What if he doesn’t think I’m as pretty in person as I was in my pictures? What if he doesn’t get my humor? What if…What if…What if…” and I was so stressed I just sat there flipping a coaster over and over. Then you walked in and I saw you and instantly all of my nervous butterflies turned in to excited butterflies and the next few minutes are a blur. I don’t remember getting up, I don’t remember grabbing you, I don’t remember anything except suddenly realizing that I was standing in the middle of the restaurant holding you in the biggest and the tightest bear hug I could possibly manage, smiling the biggest smile of my life, cuddled up as close as possible to your chest and realizing that I was living in the moment where all of my dreams were about to start coming true. You were perfect. You thought I was perfect. The whole night was perfect.

It took one night, that night, for me to know without a shadow of doubt that I was going to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. I would have married you that night if you had asked, I knew that you and I were meant to be together and all others be damned! It took us seven months before we actually did marry but still, I knew that night. That night confirmed for me that all of the feelings I had been feeling for you were true and were real. I’ve never felt as amazing with anyone as I do when I’m with you. All of the little quirks about myself become amazing symbols of perfection when I’m with you. The way my leg is bent a little sideways at the knee as a result of my martial arts injury isn’t something I’m ashamed of anymore, instead it’s a battle scar. It’s something I earned when I was training to become a warrior and a defender, so I would no longer fall victim to someone stronger or bigger than me and it’s something I’m proud to show instead of hiding. The single freckle I have between my eyes that has always lingered as an annoyance isn’t an annoyance anymore because you love it and have made me feel beautiful with it. I used to hide it behind long bangs but now I’ve grown those out and I like my little freckle. It’s single and it’s unique and it’s me. You allow me to get my sillies out when I get home from work and you laugh with me over my happy dance, over my stupid jokes (What’s red and smells like blue paint?  Red paint! Ha! Ha! Ha!), over my quirks and my observations. You laugh with me, not AT me, because you understand (and dare I say…share?) my humor. I’ve been able to laugh with you and I’ve been able to cry with you and through it all you have been supportive and strong.  When I’ve needed to cry you’ve held me, and let me rest my tears on your chest even though it always soaks through your shirt and you stroke my hair and cuddle with me. Then you talk with me and calm me and let me know you’re always there for me. You were my best friend through the grief when Charlie died, you were my best friend through the grief when my Grandma died, and I know that you’ll be there the same way for me when my Grandpa dies. You’ve never judged me based on anything that I’ve done in the weeks, months, or years before you, instead you have embrace me and loved me for the person those circumstances helped me to become. You are incredible, simply incredible, and a truly amazing man.

When we married you made promises to me. You promised to love me through good times and in bad times, through prosperity and poverty, through sickness and health, and I know that all of these promises are promises you will keep until death do us part. I know these things because you have already proven these things to me (the forsaking all others part I don’t even think about, I know I don’t have to ever worry about your faithfulness. You are mine. All mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.)  Shortly after we married we were hit with curveball after curveball and there was sickness, and job loss, and relocation, and delays and changes and a few months of turmoil where some mornings we weren’t sure which way was up because nothing was going as we had expected, or hoped, it would go but through it all you were there with me, figuring it out with me, standing beside me and taking on the world as it came. We got through it, the way we will always get through everything, because you and I are meant to be together and what is meant to be will always find a way.

I have never felt more beautiful, amazing, talented, hilarious, intelligent, and significant as I do when I’m with you. You make me feel like I’m the queen of the world. Thank you for being you, and for being so incredible. I love you. Always.

XOXO, Ashley


4 thoughts on “Dear Love,

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