Ok, perhaps that is not entirely 100% true and perhaps it is a slight bit of a mild exaggeration on my part but let me tell you, the headline I just saw on a newsletter in my e-mail box made me cringe and was almost vomit inducing! Do you want to know what the headline said? Wait, did you just say, “Yes?” You really want to see this complete cringe-worthy and nearly vomit inducing headline? Wow. Ok, well fine, since you asked for it. It said…
“Clogs are back in a big way!”
OMG. That sucks!!! I hate clogs. They are the biggest, clunkiest, ugliest shoes ever. Don’t believe me? Here…look at some pictures…
They are not cute. They. Are. Not. Cute. They are big, they are chunky, they are clunky and they hide cute pedicured summertime toes. Give me one good reason why I should wear these shoes? I’ll give you some reasons why I shouldn’t.
1.) They are NOT cute. (Did I mention that yet?)
2.) They are big and clunky. (I think I said that already too. Like 4 sentences ago, but who’s keeping track?)
3.) They are heavy and obnoxious to walk in.
4.) They look like a Fall / Winter sneaker or boot in the front but heyyyyy what’s that??? An open back?!? Wow! That makes it a summer shoe!!! I call bullshit. It’s like the mullet of shoe world. It’s winter in the front and summer in the back.
5.) People will wear them with socks and that just makes the whole thing worse.
6.) Part of the fun of wearing summer shoes is justifying pedicures. Ohhhhh I need a pedicure! I need to smooth these rough heels and have my toenails painted and they are going to be sooooo cute! What color should I pick? Yellow? Pink? Lavender? So many cute spring/summer colors to choose from! Oh, wait, 😦 that’s right, I’m wearing CLOGS. It doesn’t matter.
Psh. Stupid clogs. I’m not wearing them and you can’t make me. I’m going to wear my sandals and my cute strappy heels and my cork wedges and all my other super cute summery I’m-gonna-show-off-my-super-cute-toes shoes and all you ugly-feet people can wear your damn clogs.
Btw…if you have super cute feet but still wear clogs, I don’t understand it. Someone is just going to have to explain to me the appeal of that awful shoe. Although, if your Dutch I understand why you wear them, it is a Dutch fashion after all.